Clink-bait: Has Toasting Etiquette Gone Too Far?

To clink or not to clink: Experts weigh in on proper toasting manners.

I'm a clinker, but a recent etiquette update had me questioning my toasting traditions. Fanning the flames of controversy,  a few near and dear millennials also challenged the drink-but-no-clink twist. 

In December, Good Housekeeping published “14 Common Etiquette Mistakes That Could Be Making a Bad Impression,” and nestled among them was the shocker under: “Clinking Glasses.” The magazine interviewed an etiquette consultant (not me — still waiting for that call), who advised that after a toast, one should refrain from clinking. Even the article’s author had to admit, “this is a surprising one.”

The etiquette expert defended her position, stating the dinner host may be serving their best glassware. As she put it, "you don't want to spill your drink on their nice linens from thrusting your cup around, and you certainly don't want to chip or shatter your host's fine glasses".

In our first Barb's Tea Service's Podcast this year, we challenged our special guests, sons Rob and Matt, to an etiquette quiz based on the Good Housekeeping article. Most questions were answered correctly or with good natured acceptance. That is, until the question to clink or not to clink came up. Both young men were certain a tap was customary and appropriate. When told not anymore and why, we were faced with not only incredulity but defiance. No clinking? They were as surprised as the article's author.

Brothers Gulley, Matt and Rob, challenge the no-clink toasting rule.

The link to the controversial etiquette quiz sneak peek: BTS Podcast 62:  

Rob argued that the no‑clink reasoning was highly situational — relevant only when someone is hosting with their finest crystal and heirloom linens. This update, he felt, was far too particular to apply to all celebratory occasions. Necessary refinement or headline grabber? Dare we say… clink‑bait?

I’m all for respecting the moment and adjusting behavior to the setting. But for most toasts, I remain firmly “team clink.” My philosophy — though I understand not shared by all — is to use the “good stuff” whenever you can. And if a piece meets an untimely end, well, better to go out with a clang than a whimper. 

It's important to note that there are other schools of thought on clinking from other schools of etiquette. For example, the New York School of Etiquette provides allowances for this toasting practice. Per their guidance, in certain circles, clinking is frowned upon at formal dinner parties, however, "if others are clinking, by all means clink. . ."

They do add, however, that it is not necessary to clink with everyone at the table. One can simply clink with the person to the right and then with the person your left.

Still, an informal data gathering of clinking opinions on social media found there does exist a great deal of concern that clinking can lead to breaking. Who are all these heavy-handed clinkers?

At BTS, we're enthusiastic toasters with family and friends, often clinking with folks we see regularly, just to underline how happy we are to spend time with them - and the clink, that's the exclamation point to bring the sentiment home.

Rethinking the clinking? Unless you are a participating in a toast to show your feats of strength, as in Festivus, we'll say, take a pass, but for the rest of us, clink with no fuss.

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For more on toasting etiquette, see Section 2, "Toasting" in Barb Tea Service Twelve Etiquette Essentials Formal Dining and Tea Time or

BTS Podcast 3, Chris explains the origins of the "toast", start at the 18:00 minute mark.

For the entire BTS Podcast 62, view here at: Barbs Tea Service Ep62: Special guests, Rob and Matt Gulley take the Etiquette Quiz Challenge