Thanksgiving turkeys, tablescapes and traditions - remain, refresh, or remove?

Thanksgiving Day turkeys, uninvited, visit our backyard -not for dinner, but close.

This year, we had turkey for Thanksgiving—though not the kind you get at Kroger's. Instead, we were greeted by an invasion of wild turkeys in our backyard. These uninvited guests didn’t linger long, which was just as well, since we had a proper invitation to join our extended family for a traditional holiday feast.

That seasonal repast was everything one hopes for: excellent company, delicious stuffing, rich gravy, pumpkin pies, tart cranberries, a nouveau (to moi)  green bean casserole, and—don’t tell our feathered intruders—a perfectly roasted turkey.

At Chez Gulleys, Thanksgiving dinner is usually prepared by my husband, Chris, our resident gourmet chef. My contribution tends to be a dry stuffing (redeemed by an artfully decorated tablescape). This year, however, we had the rare treat of being guests, and it was wonderful.

We did bring a customary dish to pass—my first-ever green bean casserole. Despite a last-minute ingredient panic, it turned out far tastier than my stuffing, and I was relieved to report success. That small victory led Barb’s Tea Service to ponder: which holiday traditions should remain, need a refresh or an all-out removal?

Just in time, Southern Living published “Eight Traditional Holiday Etiquette Rules Experts Say No Longer Apply.” We selected five that focus on dining and added our own BTS notes.

Fine china or paper are acceptable. Bonus: disposables can provide meaning & easy clean up.

1. Assigned Seats:

Once a hallmark of formal dinners (and yes, we still own nameplate holders), assigned seating is fading. Modern gatherings lean toward relaxed, open seating that encourages mingling—and, if you’re strategic, the best view of the big screen for the Detroit Lions game. This year, if your chair lacked a good view, consider yourself fortunate.

2. The Kid’s Table:

Experts suggest loosening the reins here: a multi-generational table can build lasting memories. We’ve used the “kid’s table” for years, but when those seated there are - or pushing - forty, can we still call it that? (Asking for some millennials we know.)

3. Fine China:  Holiday tablescapes no longer require fancy china. As etiquette professional Maralee McKee notes: “You [the host] decide how formal or informal you want the event to be…whether you’d like to use your heirloom china or the adorable plates you spotted at the local paper goods shop, feel free to do so.” We’d add: eco-friendly disposables make cleanup blissfully easy.

Green bean casserole suits my culinary skills:  few ingredients, easy prep.

4. Just One Cook in the Kitchen:  Some hosts prefer to handle all the cooking, and that’s fine if understood. But preparing food, drinks, décor, and setup is a heavy lift. A gentle reminder: offer to contribute, whether a dish or a beverage. Your host will likely know what’s missing and suggest something that complements the menu.

Pro tip:  few ingredients can be misleading. Count before you bake!

For me, that meant green bean casserole. With minimal prep and few ingredients, it suited my culinary skills. (We used Campbell’s cream of mushroom soup—still a tasty comfort food classic despite a recent executive’s commentary that landed him in “hot-water soup” and eventually “canned.”) Pro tip: buy the right number of cans the first time to avoid a frantic grocery run.

Denim paired with bow tie equals comfort & style, admired by all - including pups.

 

5. Holiday Dress Codes:  Etiquette expert Christine Carmichael notes that strict dress codes have given way to casual joy. She suggests ditching the tuxedo for attire "that screams, I’m here to celebrate, not attend a black-tie circus.” Bottom line, Carmichael advises to dress in a way that reflects the specific event's tone.

Firstly, to that we say, we're not in favor of anything that "screams", preferring attire that my just raise the volume slightly. Secondly, we’d add be comfortable, but stylish. Ditch the jogging pants, but don’t be afraid of the bow tie.

Our Own Rule

To these five, we add one tradition that never goes out of style: gratitude. Thanksgiving is about family and friends, those with whom we literally and figuratively break bread. We’re thankful for everyone who visits Barb’s Tea Service today and throughout the year. As one charming Thanksgiving plate reminds us, we are “blessed and grateful”—even with a shortage of green beans and a non-victorious Lions game.