Tuesday Tea and Tomes: 'Social Graces' - Rivalry, Resilience, and Reflection in the Gilded Age (Astors vs Vanderbilts)

The Social Graces by Renée Rosen, historical fiction based on Caroline Astor and Alva Vanderbilt

The Gilded Age is no stranger to Barb's Tea Service—we’ve been immersed in this era for years, drawing early connections to Downton Abbey through our tea talks (such as “Gilded Age, Cora’s Story: A Prequel to Downton Abbey”) and visiting grand estates tied to the period, from Palm Beach, Florida to Oxfordshire, England. We awaited Julian Fellowes’ series The Gilded Age for a full decade (see: The Gilded Age Premieres Tonight! A Ten-Year Wait, but BTS Kept Gilded Age Busy for a Decade). In the meantime, we dug deep into books that explored the glamorous yet exploitative late 19th century—a time of breakthroughs in transportation, communication, and technology, as well as fierce battles between old money and new. That clash was most vividly embodied, both in fact and fiction, by Caroline Astor and Alva Vanderbilt.

Blenheim: Alva's daughter married the Duke

Marble House, Alva's Newport cottage

Which brings us to The Social Graces, a novel by Renée Rosen. Published in 2021, just a year before The Gilded Age premiered on HBO, Rosen offers her take on the famous feud between two formidable women: Astor, defender of pedigree, and Vanderbilt, champion of the nouveau riche. While Downton Abbey alluded to this rivalry and The Gilded Age places it center stage, is there still more to wring out of this clash of classes? As a Gilded Age devotee, I say “yes”—and, with a nod to Ward McAllister, arbiter of social taste and etiquette, I’ll add his favorite phrase: “don’t you know?”for emphasis. Rosen proves there is still more to uncover. 

Shortly after Downton Abby came on the scene, BTS presented its prequel, "The Gilded Age, Cora's Story" (look closely at the slide on the easel and see the Marble House stairway and Alva's portrait).

Before reading The Social Graces, I was very familiar with the broad arc of Caroline Astor’s reign over New York society—her struggle to keep new money out—and Alva Vanderbilt’s determination to break through. What Rosen brings to the Louis XV table is a richer portrait of these women. Though their elitism and extravagance may still offend, we gain insight into the forces that drove them to maintain or seize control.

Downton Abbey meets Gilded Age:  Lady Carnarvon with Rachel B. & Barb G. at Newport's Breakers

The Social Graces highlights the limits placed on ambitious women in an era when they could neither vote nor make legal decisions without their husbands' consent. If a woman wanted to climb the ladder of success, each step was measured by the best home, the best dress and the best ball. And, although having millions of dollars didn't guarantee success, it certainly made the rise among the rungs a whole lot easier.

Rosen's novel also underscores the "values" of the time from relationships to attire. Marriages were transactional:  matches with "good families" and aristocracy weighed more than love and staying in such an arrangement - even when a spouse was disloyal or absent - was encouraged over a divorce.  Fashion, too, was paramount and carried a lot of excess baggage, both literally and figuratively. Summering in Newport demanded some 90 dresses - and that was just for six weeks.

More Gilded Age adventures in Palm Beach

After tour of Whitehall, tea, of course.

And, then there was the constant competition to outdo the last ball hostess with a larger menu, finer wines and grander gifts. The once acceptable party favors of flowers and silk fans gave way to diamond bracelets and ruby cufflinks.  

Although for most of us, it's hard to relate to the challenges of the Gilded Age glitterati, The Social Graces portrays Caroline and Alva as real women facing real struggles - betrayal, loss and self doubt. In reflective moments their inner dialogue debates whether all their efforts were meaningful or simply shallow and wasteful.

I found The Social Graces highly readable, entertaining, and informative. For newcomers, it offers an engaging introduction to this drama; for those of us who need no "calling card" to this Gilded Age story, it provides yet another perspective on a time that never ceases to fascinate.

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I originally purchased "The Social Graces" via Saturn Booksellers in Gaylord, Michigan in April of 2021. This was during quarantine times and Saturn Booksellers was hosting an on-line event for this new novel (published in 2021) from Renee Rosen. While I wasn't able to attend the Zoom meeting, I bought the book with the goal of reading in the near future. Only four years later, I'm shopping my bookcases and finding treasures, like "The Social Graces".

Unfortunately, Saturn Booksellers has gone out of business. The owner, Jill Miner, who we interviewed in 2020 (see BTS blog: Saturn Booksellers in Gaylord) retired and was unsuccessful in finding a buyer. 

On a happier note, Renee Rosen's latest book is "Let's Call her Barbie", published this year. Looks like another good read and future Barb's Tea Service Tea and Tomes!