Clink-bait: Has Toasting Etiquette Gone Too Far?

To clink or not to clink: Experts weigh in on proper toasting manners.

I'm a clinker, but a recent etiquette update had me questioning my toasting traditions. Fanning the flames of controversy,  a few near and dear millennials also challenged the drink-but-no-clink twist. 

In December, Good Housekeeping published “14 Common Etiquette Mistakes That Could Be Making a Bad Impression,” and nestled among them was the shocker under: “Clinking Glasses.” The magazine interviewed an etiquette consultant (not me — still waiting for that call), who advised that after a toast, one should refrain from clinking. Even the article’s author had to admit, “this is a surprising one.”

The etiquette expert defended her position, stating the dinner host may be serving their best glassware. As she put it, "you don't want to spill your drink on their nice linens from thrusting your cup around, and you certainly don't want to chip or shatter your host's fine glasses".

In our first Barb's Tea Service's Podcast this year, we challenged our special guests, sons Rob and Matt, to an etiquette quiz based on the Good Housekeeping article. Most questions were answered correctly or with good natured acceptance. That is, until the question to clink or not to clink came up. Both young men were certain a tap was customary and appropriate. When told not anymore and why, we were faced with not only incredulity but defiance. No clinking? They were as surprised as the article's author.

Brothers Gulley, Matt and Rob, challenge the no-clink toasting rule.

The link to the controversial etiquette quiz sneak peek: BTS Podcast 62:  

Rob argued that the no‑clink reasoning was highly situational — relevant only when someone is hosting with their finest crystal and heirloom linens. This update, he felt, was far too particular to apply to all celebratory occasions. Necessary refinement or headline grabber? Dare we say… clink‑bait?

I’m all for respecting the moment and adjusting behavior to the setting. But for most toasts, I remain firmly “team clink.” My philosophy — though I understand not shared by all — is to use the “good stuff” whenever you can. And if a piece meets an untimely end, well, better to go out with a clang than a whimper. 

It's important to note that there are other schools of thought on clinking from other schools of etiquette. For example, the New York School of Etiquette provides allowances for this toasting practice. Per their guidance, in certain circles, clinking is frowned upon at formal dinner parties, however, "if others are clinking, by all means clink. . ."

They do add, however, that it is not necessary to clink with everyone at the table. One can simply clink with the person to the right and then with the person your left.

Still, an informal data gathering of clinking opinions on social media found there does exist a great deal of concern that clinking can lead to breaking. Who are all these heavy-handed clinkers?

At BTS, we're enthusiastic toasters with family and friends, often clinking with folks we see regularly, just to underline how happy we are to spend time with them - and the clink, that's the exclamation point to bring the sentiment home.

Rethinking the clinking? Unless you are a participating in a toast to show your feats of strength, as in Festivus, we'll say, take a pass, but for the rest of us, clink with no fuss.

☕☕☕☕☕☕☕🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷🍷☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕☕

For more on toasting etiquette, see Section 2, "Toasting" in Barb Tea Service Twelve Etiquette Essentials Formal Dining and Tea Time or

BTS Podcast 3, Chris explains the origins of the "toast", start at the 18:00 minute mark.

For the entire BTS Podcast 62, view here at: Barbs Tea Service Ep62: Special guests, Rob and Matt Gulley take the Etiquette Quiz Challenge

Home Bakery scores again with breakthrough Detroit Lions life-size cakes!

Home Bakery scores again with Lions superheroes, St. Brown and Gibbs

 

Once again, Home Bakery scores big with a life‑size cake tribute to our beloved Detroit Lions. Last year’s sweet sensation featured Amon‑Ra St. Brown in his iconic headstand during the matchup with the Green Bay Packers. This year’s inspired window display brings St. Brown back—this time joined by teammate Jahmyr Gibbs in their unforgettable “Superman–Spiderman” pose after a touchdown against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The scene is made even more dramatic by St. Brown’s hand appearing to burst right through the bakery’s picture window.

As we shared in last January’s blog, Lions Take the Cake, the creative force behind these lifelike confections is owner and master cake artist Heather Tocco.

Chris having a life altering experience at Home Bakery

According to the Detroit Free Press last week, the superhero‑sized edible sculptures required 24 bakers and artists and a combined 400 hours to complete. Built entirely in‑house, the wide receiver and running back are crafted from eight cases of Rice Krispies Treats, four sheet cakes, 65 pounds of fondant, and a whole lot of buttercream.

Tocco noted that “something as simple as a window could bring strangers together, spark conversations and create joy.”

Kronut sporting Detroit Lion's colors paired with True Blue Oolong from Harney Teas

And, just like last year, we found even more joy inside. This time, we discovered the Kronut—decked out in the Lions’ colors, Honolulu Blue and white. The pastry is made from deep‑fried croissant dough, filled with vanilla bean cream, and finished with a vanilla bean glaze. It claims to be “life‑changing” and “mind‑altering,” and after sampling it, we have to agree.

Back home, we paired our treat with the perfectly named True Blue Oolong from Harney Teas. Its hue matches our hometown team, and its name matches our sentiment. Though the Lions didn’t make the playoffs this year, our loyalty hasn’t wavered. We remain true blue—and hopeful for a future, life‑changing Super Bowl.

Home Bakery is located at 300 South Main Street in downtown Rochester. 

Tuesday Tea and Tomes: Astor - Anderson Cooper delves into another Gilded Age Dynasty

Astor, Anderson Cooper's follow up to Vanderbilt: a compelling mix of known and little known stories.

 

Astor is the second book co‑written by journalist Anderson Cooper chronicling the rise and fall of an American dynasty with Gilded Age notoriety. His first, Vanderbilt, (see our review Vanderbilt, BTS blog November, 2021) explored the clan he knows firsthand as the son of Gloria Vanderbilt and the great‑great‑great‑grandson of Cornelius Vanderbilt, who launched the family fortune in shipping and railroads. For his follow‑up, Cooper turns his attention to the Astors, revealing—much as he did in Vanderbilt—how early generations amassed staggering wealth through drive and ambition, only for later heirs to tarnish, squander, or simply misplace their silver spoons.

Although I knew the broad Astor arc—from John Jacob Astor’s late‑18th‑century fur‑trade and real‑estate empire to his daughter‑in‑law’s dominance of Gilded Age society - I didn't know much beyond the tragic death of John Jacob Astor IV on the Titanic and the subsequent decline of the family's prominence. 

As with Vanderbilt, Cooper and his writing partner, Katherine Howe, present old and new Astor lore in a readable, entertaining style, complete with tantalizing tangents and bits of trivia.

A brief tour through the Astor saga:

• William Backhouse Astor Sr., son of the original John Jacob, married Margaret Livingston Armstrong and had ten children, including the industrious JJ Jr. and William Backhouse Jr.—the latter a noted partier and husband of the formidable Caroline Astor.

• William and Margaret’s first daughter, Emily—grandmother of the “Astor orphans”—was named for Emily St. Aubert, the heroine of Ann Radcliffe’s gothic novel The Mysteries of Udolpho. (BTS note: Austen enthusiasts will recall that another devoted reader of Udolpho is Catherine Morland of Northanger Abbey.)

Rachel outside Waldorf Astoria 2015

Rachel inside the Waldorf Astoria

   


     

• The Waldorf‑Astoria Hotel began as a somewhat reluctant partnership between cousins William Waldorf “Will” Astor and John Jacob “Jack” Astor IV. Originally two separate hotels on Thirty‑Fourth Street—now the site of the Empire State Building—the Waldorf‑Astoria moved to its current Park Avenue location in 1931. My daughter Rachel and I stayed there in 2015, before its most recent renovation, back when it didn’t take an Astor‑level savings account to spend the night. (See BTS blog Adoring the Waldorf Astoria, August, 2015)

The bronze clock in Waldorf Astoria lobby.

• Jack Astor had one son with his first wife: Vincent Astor. Vincent married three times but had no children. His third wife, Brooke Astor, became a legendary socialite who lived to 105 and remained in the headlines right up to her death in 2007. Her son from her first marriage was later convicted of elder abuse and imprisoned in his eighties.

Condensing more than 250 years of family drama into just over 250 pages is no small feat, but Cooper and Howe manage it with style. They deliver a fascinating narrative about a name that still evokes good manners, old money, and impeccable taste. Cooper even closes with a pop‑culture wink: the Muppets’ elderly balcony critics, Statler and Waldorf.

Waldorf with Statler

At our "box", emulating Astors (or Muppets)

                  

It’s a compelling tale of ambition, greed, society, aspiration, and tragedy. Like HBO’s Succession, it isn’t always comfortable to witness—but it’s even harder to look away.

💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵💵

Ironically, I purchased this book, about the, at one time, richest folks in America, first published in 2023, this month while thrifting with my son and daughter-in-law. With the list price of $32.99 displayed on its mint-condition book jacket, a green sticker add-on boasted a mark-down cost of only $4.00. Bonus:  green sticker items were half-off on the day of our visit. Buying a book about billionaires for less than a cup of hot tea, priceless!

Celery Vases: Trending antique for 2026 and our latest thrifting treasure

Celery vase: a thrifting trending treasure

 

We’ve long adored vintage table accoutrements—most notably salt cellars and knife rests—so when a recent House Beautiful headline announced that an antique glass vase was making a comeback and turning up in thrift stores, it might as well have read, “Barb Gulley, these are for you!”

No question about it: celery vases are our newest passion. They’re trending for all the reasons BTS loves—renewed interest in classic entertaining, a growing enthusiasm for conversation‑starting antiques, and the irresistible thrill of thrifting.

In a stroke of secondhand serendipity, just last week, while scouring shops on Michigan’s east side with my son Matt and daughter‑in‑law Jenna, I found my very first celery vase at only our second stop. At the unbelievable price of $9.99, I struck thrifting gold with this pressed‑glass beauty. I’m still researching its origins—though it resembles several examples in my newly purchased celery‑vase reference book, the exact details remain a mystery.

Celery Vase reference book  - many photos resemble thrifting treasure.

But what distinguishes a celery vase from a familiar flower vase or goblet? The elegant celery urn is typically a tall (6–9 inches), cut or pressed glass vessel with a pedestal base, fluted rim, and intricate decorative pattern.

Like salt cellars, celery vases were once the showpieces for an everyday item that was anything but everyday. These vessels held celery—a vegetable that now humbly appears on crudité platters but was once scarce, expensive, and a true status symbol.

In the 1800s, celery was difficult and costly to grow. Those with discretionary income not only purchased the prized stalks for dinner parties but also needed a suitably impressive container to display their conspicuous consumption.

Enter the celery vase.

They became so desirable that they were often given as wedding gifts, sometimes engraved with the newlyweds’ names.

However, like salt cellars, celery vases lost their appeal when the product they were designed to hold became less expensive and more accessible. But after decades tucked away in the backs of china cabinets, they’re enjoying a revival. While thrifting has made them accessible at an average cost of $25–$35, some examples command far higher prices.

Engraved celery vases from the early 19th century have sold for $2,000–$5,000. And a particularly special pair—created for William Henry Harrison’s 1840 presidential campaign and featuring both a log cabin and an American flag—sold for over $10,000 in 2021.

Celery vases - the trending antique for 2026!

My own celery vase is far more modest than those storied pieces, but it’s still a treasure, and wonderfully versatile. House Beautiful suggests using one as a candle votive, flower vase, candy container, or home‑bar accent.

And of course, one can always fill it with celery

That's a wrap! Starting the new year and looking back at the old.

A milestone year for Jane Austen and a busy one for BTS!

Last week, we were back in the studio for our 62nd podcast—and our first of 2026. We welcomed two very special guests, our sons Rob and Matt, and spent the episode sharing tea experiences and testing the young lads on etiquette. (To watch the full episode, visit our YouTube channel: Barb’s Tea Service – YouTube.)

As we look ahead to the new year, we're pausing for a moment to reflect on everything we accomplished in 2025. It was a wonderfully busy year for Barb’s Tea Service, and we’re grateful to have shared it with both old friends and new.

BTS 2025 Year-in-Review

We hit the big 60-plus-one mark in Podcasts (34 for the year)

BTS' first podcast of the year featured special guests, The Gulley Brothers

This year marked our one-year podcast anniversary, our 50th episode, and—just last month—our 60th. We also received the Podcast Spirit Award from ONTV Studios. Many thanks to our special guests: Rob, Matt, Jenna, and Cara. And an extra-special shout-out to fellow podcasters Rik and Carol for surprising us on our 60th episode!

We’ve been told that if we reach 100 episodes, ONTV will commemorate the milestone with a movie-style poster to hang in the studio halls. (That's only 38 more to go!)

13 Tea Events

Barb with BTS team members extraordinaire: Rob and Pam

We were just shy of a record-breaking year, with events taking us from Florida to both the east and west coasts of Michigan. Of our baker’s dozen:

• 6 Downton Abbey

• 2 Gilded Age

• 2 Chocolate-and-tea pairings (double yum!)

• 2 Jane Austen

• 1 Tea Customs Around the World

Our travels took us from Great Lake to Great Lake—Port Huron to St. Joseph—then back to our hometowns of Birmingham and Bloomfield. We also added miles driving to Wyandotte, Ann Arbor, Chesterfield, Commerce, Lyon Township, Sterling Heights, and Addison Township.

Kudos to Rob and Pam, who assisted and brought their A-game to these Tea-events.

14 Substack Articles

Matthew McFadden, Mr. Darcy in P & P movie, 2005: a popular post

 

We joined Substack in 2025 and plan to carve out more time this year for additional posts. We covered many favorite topics—Jane Austen, the Gilded Age—and even ventured into contemporary curiosities, such as wedding nuptials officiated by a mayonnaise mascot. (Our most popular Substack post: a review of the three most popular film adaptations of Price and Prejudice. For that article and more, find us on Substack @barbaragulley Barbara Gulley | Substack)

72 Blog Stories

ABB - always be blogging. Celery vases next riveting blog! 

This total ties our busiest year ever (2023). We hoped to squeeze in one more tea-time tale before the new year, but holidays and birthdays won that battle. So we’re throwing down the gauntlet for 2026: at least 73 stories. With a whiteboard full of upcoming topics—celery vases included—we show no signs of slowing down or filtering for only the “compelling.”

1 TeaTime Feature

Austen article in TeaTime  penned by your humble BTS blogger

We wrapped up the year with the November/December issue of TeaTime, which included our article on the Jane Austen exhibit at Manhattan’s Morgan Library—a fitting finale for Austen’s milestone birthday celebration.

4 Presidential Homes (and a Bonus!)

Presidential homes tour inspired me to throw my hat in the ring.

One of our 2025 resolutions was to visit at least two presidential homes or libraries. The beauty of a modest goal is the opportunity to overachieve. By March, we had doubled our target.

• February: Jimmy Carter’s childhood home (Plains, GA), James K. Polk’s home (Columbia, TN), and Abraham Lincoln’s boyhood site (Knob Creek, KY)

• March: Rutherford B. Hayes home (Fremont, OH)

• October bonus: Teddy Roosevelt Inaugural Site in Buffalo, complete with the newly installed talking Teddy hologram

Inspired by all these POTUS places, I also tossed my hat into the presidential campaign ring. Our slogan: More tea in every pot!

2 Frank Lloyd Wright Homes (in under a month)

Tea ceremony at FLW home in Bloomfield Hills

Setting up wedding reception FLW in WI

Not on our 2025 Bingo card, but a delightful surprise. The highlight was a Frank Lloyd Wright home in Wisconsin, where we celebrated our son and daughter-in-law’s wedding reception. Three weeks later, daughter, Rachel, and I were back home participating in a Japanese tea ceremony at Cranbrook's own FLW abode. Nothing wrong with a lot of Wright (or, dare I say, two Wrights don't make a wrong).

2 Jane Austen Out-of-Town Excursions

Austen exhibit NYC's Morgan Library

Jane Austen festival in Cincinnati

This summer, we attended the first Jane Austen Festival in Sharonville, Ohio (just north of Cincinnati). Picking up where the Louisville JASNA chapter left off, the weekend brought back “Dressing Mr. Darcy” and afternoon tea. A bonus: location is conveniently close to my sister-in-law and fellow Austen enthusiast, making travel and lodging most agreeable.

Two weeks later, we were in New York for the Jane Austen exhibit at the Morgan Library. And yes, I’m going to say it: It is a truth universally acknowledged that, to be of good fortune, a single Austen event must be in want of another.

Celery vases, a peek at the excitement in store for 2026!

Last year brought a treasure trove of memorable activities, events, travels, recordings, and writings. We hope to raise the bar even higher in the new year—so hold on to your celery vases and, as we love to say at Barb’s Tea Service, please stay tuned.

Happy New Year! What lies ahead for BTS' favorite period shows? Here's what we know so far for 2026!

Bridgerton's Lady Danbury's home (aka the Holburne Museum) in Bath.  Season 4 begins in January

 

Happy 2026!

I’ve always looked forward to the month of January. After the rush of the holidays—truly the most wonderful time of the year, filled with gatherings of friends and family, goodies for breakfast, and the cheerful invasion of ornaments, twinkling lights, and scented candles—it’s nice to settle back into a routine. It’s time to eat a bit more sensibly, enjoy some “down time,” set new goals, and see which favorite series and films await us in the coming year.

For us at BTS, that means returning to our bread-and-butter (or clotted cream and scones) franchises: The Gilded Age, Downton Abbey, Jane Austen adaptations, and Bridgerton.

We’re spilling the tea on what we know so far:

Bridgerton

Season 4 premieres on Netflix this January, released in two parts: the first half on January 29 and Part 2 on February 26. This season focuses on Benedict Bridgerton, the second-oldest of the eight siblings. So far, we’ve watched Daphne marry the Duke, Anthony pair off with Kate, and Colin—my favorite storyline to date—find his happily-ever-after with Penelope, forming the superstar couple “Polin.” (Spoiler alert: Penelope was also a spiller of tea, courtesy of her quill.)

Early previews hint at a Cinderella-style tale. Start the carriage—we are ready to be amused!

Troy, NY at the home of Mrs. Fish - no new money!

The Gilded Age

Season 4 is confirmed, though no official air date has been announced. Online speculation points to late 2026 or early 2027. One thing we can confirm: filming will once again take place in Troy, New York. According to the Albany Times Union, Mayor Carmella Montello recently announced that filming is expected to begin this spring.

At the Whistling Kettle in Troy for afternoon tea.

And the Gilded Age cast and crew won’t be the only ones in Troy this spring—the BTS crew will return as well. Will we get a peek at the goings-on? We’ll keep you posted. At the very least, we’ll chat with the locals, gather the scoop, and make our way back to The Whistling Kettle for afternoon tea.

Jane Ausen museum in Bath. Channeling both inner Jane and Lady Whistledown with quill and ink.

Jane Austen

There’s plenty happening in Austen-land, even after the 250th birthday celebrations of 2025. As highlighted in this month’s Town & Country, here’s what’s queued up for 2026:

1. The Other Bennet Sister As mentioned in this week’s Tuesday Tea and Tomes, this Pride and Prejudice–inspired novel focuses on the overlooked middle Bennet sister. A ten-episode series based on the book is expected to air this spring on BritBox. And we’ll finally learn whether ladies who wear glasses receiv

2. Pride and Prejudice Another remake of the classic. While we continue to debate the best adaptation (BBC 1995 with Jennifer Ehle and *swoon* Colin Firth? Keira Knightley and Matthew Macfadyen in 2005? Or, for a select few, the 1940 version starring the decidedly not–early-twenties Greer Garson and Laurence Olivier), Netflix is bringing us a new six-part series in 2026. Emma Corrin (Princess Diana in The Crown) will star as Lizzy Bennet. Release date TBD.

Can we fit another P&P into our rotation? It pains me little to say: a Janeite in possession of a Netflix account is surely in need of more Austen streaming.

1. Sense and Sensibility A new film adaptation arrives in theaters in September 2026—just over thirty years since Kate Winslet and Emma Thompson brought the Dashwood sisters to life. Daisy Edgar-Jones (Where the Crawdads Sing, Under the Banner of Heaven) will take on the role of Elinor Dashwood. It's been too long since we've been charmed by Willoughby and questioned the Brothers Ferrars on the big screen. We hope the latest version brings much to recommend!

Highclere (Rachel in foreground), the real Downton Abbey - more stories to tell?

Downton Abbey

The third and final film in the trilogy arrived this past September. Creators and cast have said this is the end—and the title, Downton Abbey: The Grand Finale, certainly suggests as much. Still, for those of us who have followed the upstairs/downstairs world of the Crawley family and their staff for fifteen years, it’s hard to say goodbye.

Interviewing Lady Carnarvon  in Newport - blending Gilded Age & Downtown Abbey. Crossovers in the future?

While we don’t want Lady Mary to “jump the shark,” we wouldn’t object to a few spin-offs in the future. Star Wars has shown us, there is no story line not worth exploring, even if it isn't really.

Rev up the recliner and pass the remote - we're ready for all the drama (hopefully mostly on screen) the new year brings.

Happy New Year from Barb's Tea Service!

Tuesday Tea and Tomes: The Other Bennet Sister - A good look at the overlooked daughter of Pride and Prejudice

Janice Hadlow's "The Other Bennet Sister":  The story of the overlooked daughter in Pride & Prejudice

"Men seldom make passes at girls who wear glasses".

Although that quote is attributed to Dorothy Parker, it could easily have been a Mrs. Bennet original. The ambitious mama of five daughters from Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, whose nerves seek more compassion than her maternal affections, continues her misdirected and indelicate matchmaking designs in "The Other Bennet Sister". 

This Austen fan fiction by Janice Hadlow is Pride and Prejudice from another perspective. Unlike "Longbourn" which sees the Bennet tale through the eyes of the servants (BTS Tuesday Tea and Tomes November, 11), The Other Bennet Sister, focuses on an overlooked family member, the middle child, plain and awkward, Mary.

The book unfolds in four broad sections:

(1) Pride and Prejudice, Mary's version

(2) Mary's fate following her advantageously married older sisters

(3) Mary's bloom in London and 

(4) Will Mary find her love match (accompanied by excessive handwringing).

The first part of Mary's story gives us an insight into her ill-at-ease behavior be it a Netherfield ball or the family dinner table. Her unremarkable looks are harshly compared to the attractiveness of her sisters - and the constant disappointment in them - by her mother. The final blow:  the need for glasses which sends Mrs. Bennet into a reactive rage.  Mary's chances of finding a suiter are already a challenge but, now, with those spectacles, well, she might as well resign herself to spinsterhood. 

Mary knows too well her ordinary appearance is not helped by her stiff manner and lack of charm. She tries to compensate through relentless reading and dutiful piano practice, but without genuine passion, her efforts land with all the excitement of a sermon from Mr. Collins.

We empathize with Mary:   a sad flower whose immediate family bestows little light or care. Even after Jane and Elizabeth marry well, their support rarely extends beyond polite encouragement. It isn't until Mary, in desperate need of something beyond the confines of her situation, seeks new opportunities with relations in London.

England's Lake District, a lovely place to visit. 

There, with patience and attention, Mary blooms. Pushed out of her uncomfortable, but familiar, zone, Mary finds her value - and others begin to see it too.  We applaud the transformation, and we wish for her to claim the happiness her siblings have found. 

England's scenic Lake District, tempting to linger, leave excess baggage behind.

But when the extended family, and a few attentive young men, travel to the Lake District, the narrative slows. As lovely as the scenery is, the story drags like a phaeton stuck in mud. Endless introspection and figurative pearl‑clutching weigh down the story. Having visited the Lake District myself, (BTS Blog, B&B Lake District) I understand the temptation to linger—but recounting every unspoken thought makes one long to pack up all that excessive baggage and return to London.

Despite the change in momentum in the book's later half, we still enjoyed the story. We were rooting for Mary to have a happy ending - not only to find love, but face off her bullies. 

And, yes, most importantly, to show us that men do make passes at women who wear glasses.

A ten episode series based on the book, The Other Bennet Sister to air on the BBC in 2026. We'll be on the lookout for the overlooked daughter of Pride and Prejudice.